NeoCode Crypt


I found these very old code remnants from my days at Neopets and people seemed interested in seeing them so… BEHOLD! Mostly, they’re embarrassing looks at how poorly I scripted back in the day but apparently my shame is entertaining. I live to serve.

I should note that some code was so old that it had to be modified to actually work in 2019 without throwing fatal errors or a billion warnings. Only the absolute bare minimum was changed to get it working, and I also replaced my old username/URL. That’s it. Everything else was painfully left as it was when it was originally written.

Monkey Poker

This was my entry for the programming test I was given after my first interview in 2002. I was supposed to replicate Neopoker, where you basically hit a button to see both hands and determine a winner. I didn’t exactly follow directions.

At least, not completely. I stole/edited graphics from the internet and turned it into something called Monkey Poker for some reason? But I was eventually hired so it turns out that RULES ARE FOR CHUMPS, apparently.

I was required to show my work so there’s a link to view the PHP source at the bottom of the game. Please go easy on me. It was 2002 and the first time I’d ever used an array in PHP shhhhh. (It’s pretty obvious, though. I cringe.)

P.S.: People also often ask about how I got hired, so the whole story of my interview(s) — including the weekend of self-inflicted anxiety brought on by a stupid monkey — can be found here.

Wadjets & Ladders

A Snakes and Ladders-type game for my second big project on the site in 2003, though it was never released. It’s currently set to the hardest difficulty. You don’t get anything if you win… except maybe internet hugs?

After I finally launched Neoadventure Generator, Borovan said, “Hey, do snakes and ladders!” I was like, “Okay, that sounds pretty cool, bossman.”

The only other direction I was given was that it should have difficulty levels and the NPCs had to cheat. Borovan really liked cheater NPCs. Back then, you were really on your own once you were assigned an idea — you did all the programming, gameplay, UI, art requests, everything — so I just flashed back to when my brother and I would play Chutes and Ladders as kids and started from there.

This was as far as I got before I was pulled off and moved over to building the new Neoboards instead (which is a whole different story). There’s some very basic gameplay and art I’d harassed an artist for. It still needed more advanced gameplay, back-end, NP earnings, and proper grammar depending on roll but I was never able to go back and finish it, so it never launched.

Fun Facts: This was before I learned that you never, ever call a Neopet by its species name. Whoops. You can see that I’d already discovered my love for Grundos by then, though.

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